hi bloggie

sometimes i dun noe why i strive so hard at things in life and it just falls apart
i dun even understand why i still care bout him even though we have broken up
i think tons of you think that i am dumb
but this is just normal human reactions
i dun even noe why i should care
i just hope we still be together
life is getting boring

i realise i live to die
cause life ultimate outcome is to die
so i dun even noe why i bother to strive so hard
all i noe is that i am counting down to the days i left
i think i have at least 50 years more
i am just habouring more thoughts of death
i just can't stop think bout death
and life without him
i dun even noe why i bother to care so much
i feel like a pest to him at times la
i guess so

i hope a car would just bang me down
and run off leaving no trace of evidence and no signs of blood
only left with death and the fact that my love will still go on
i noe it sounds stupid
but these are the truth la

look into my eyes and you see death
i hate this life that i happening

gosh why can't i be like who i use to be
or why must i bother so much
i dun even noe the truth that lies behind the 2 of us

anyway i came outta my room just to blog bout my feeling
i feel better now i hope

i still tear everynight just to put myself to sleep
i still dream bout our memories
i still love the dreams that i have
i still hope to stay in our own la-la land
i still love you like i did last summer


toodles
Rachel

-------------

hi bloggie

guess wat
i went to school like this



haha look so ugly today
see ewww
gosh i think the last round i wore glasses to school
was last year haha
i just wore them cause my eyes where tired
got panda eye lor

anyway today school was long but little subjects haha
so it did not feel that long
haha man feel fat
not losing weight
exam coming
gotta study

toodles people
Rachel

-------------

hi bloggie




yesterday was dad and mum 16 anniversary
man that like 16 years together
waking up seeing the same person beside you
gosh that make me sound like a pervo
haha come to think of it, i have been waking up without anyone beside me for 15 years
ok anyway being 16 years together is tough la
come on i noe how is it to handle a relationship
it is not easy to stay together for 16 years leh
anyway may god bless the two of them always

anyway today had lunch at ding tai feng that xiao long bao resturant
gosh ate like quite lots of xiao long bao

-------------

hey bloggie

recently have been studying for exams
i got sick, had jaw immfalation
it is quite bad la

arrgggg exams are coming
and have not study finish yet wah
anyone wanna help me or study with me
stress stress

anyway i hope i will do well
well bout my emotional problem
i still can't really get over it
it is not easy la
i still miss him alot
sometimes i pray i dun have any feeling
so at least i will not feel hurt
well just live with it
promises must still be kept
i will abide to them

anyway after exams i am gonna exercise like crazy
haha wanna lose weight lor
i must lose weight
really must
haha

anyway jia you for exams everyone


i always have to put on a fake smile to let others not worry
but deep inside i am bleeding

love
Rachel

-------------

hi bloggie

i miss him i really do
well there is nothing much to hide anymore since
we have sperated liao
but still not gonna say who i have been with
anyway monday was the last day
i cried , he cried during the break up
our break up was not due to not liking each other anymore
but more of other things in life
still upset and will miss him forever
but life still goes on
i have exams in 3 weeks
i have to pick myself up by then
but then like wat they say
when you leave each other than you truly noe you love each other
hiax watever now
back to being a single soul,there are good and bad

anyway then tuesday when out with him
my final and last time that all i can do
did not cry but he did
i promiss him we will still be friends
just like how we are still and forever will be
but my love will never change
but loving him does not mean being with him
it means knowing that he will be happy
that all i ask
i nearly wanted to cry when i left
then daddy came to pick me up
i guess dad is afraid that i woud cry i guess i was afraid too

talking bout that
my whole family noe bout the realationship after coming home crying on monday
but mum does not noe who is that person but raina and dad noes
i noe they will not say so i trust them
dad gave me advice on how to handle this problems
while raina was there to comfort me whenever i miss him

after this i wanna thank my family, GOD, yickting and xinyi plus marcus for letting me noe that they will be there for me when i need them
and i wanna thank him for showing things i never knew in life and he said he will be there when i need him
i wanna thank people who have been praying for me and thank those that have been there for him too
and thank everyone else i forgot


my 不能说的密密 and prommises
will never change to you
will love you forever

toodles
Rachel

-------------

hey bloggie

as time pass i feel even more worst than i use to
i just feel that time really wait for no one
i dunnoe i think the pass few months that i have spent with someone was rather short
i mean i just feel that time flies so fast
i dun wanna be a burden to someone
and if i have to leave i will just leave cause
if i want someone to be happy i must not be a burden

i dunnoe i am glad my this "problem" is coming to a break
i hope if this starts again i will handle it better and with more concern cause this is no longer child-play
i will most probably live my life better from now on so as to not hurt myself so easily
but i will still wait no matter wat it takes

to that someone( you know yourself)
thanks for this time you gave me
although they were filled with happiness, sadness, angryness and many other feeling
i thank god that at least you have show me some things in life i have never seen
this time i had will never be erased from my memories
cause they were most probably the best times of my life
i thank god for you and pray you will be safe
you will always be in my prayers
thanks... i hope to see you when the time is right
i pray we will still be together again

anyway people this is my feeling pls dun comment on it or confront me about it
cause if i dun write this problem i will really burst one day
i thank everyone who has read it and not comment bout it neither have gossip bout it

thanks

i thank god that you have been there once
i will remember and love you forever
those are my promisses to you forever

toodles
Rachel

-------------

hi bloggie

anyway now is thursday morning
oh gosh the hols pass so fast
and i have not even started on my homework yet i guess i need to start mugging
anyway yesterday went out to do projecct
i found the project rather ok just that i have not finish the script

you noe recently i found out that i had many pimples
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
pimples are a girls nightmare
i hope they go away quick

anyway i am so afraid of coming home at night
cause everytime i come home my parents yell at me
i just dun wanna see them around at home
and make as little contact with them as possible

anyway i think this is a growing phrase
so i think i am gonna stop here
anyway will try to take some photos of the old folks home

Toodles
Rachel

-------------

hey bloggie



haha i shall start blogging bout my birthday that day
well i went to watch movie untill 4 plus
then stay up and talk
cause i was out with that person
really gonna miss the time spend i mean it ok
it was the happiest day of my life so far


haha
saturday was church anniversary

me and raina
me and marcus and raina
me and joshua haha got a new hair style
anyway shawn did it for him
then went for supper

me and jared
the waffle raina and jared had
the waffle i share with marcus
haha
jared is like the little bro i wanna have
gosh he is so cute la

haha

yes sunday
went to cyril church
haha i enjoy it there
thanks cyril i enjoy myself there
then later i went out with that person
haha enjoy myself lor

then
monday i went out and watch secret
secret is a good show for all pianist
anyway i decided that
my boyfriend must be a pianist
or at least noe how to play music
someone will ask me go marry mozart or bach rite haha
they are dead la
haha
love classical music
anyone wanna lend me their classical music
haha
but i still l0ve rock ok

today
went to the old folks home to check out that place
cause we are going to the performance this thurday
haha
gonna try to take photos yea
then went out with lionel to go buy the BBQ food
gonna have BBQ this friday
yay
i think they are gonna stay over
so those in my cell let me noe who staying over

so that all

Toodles
Rachel

-------------

hi bloggie

sometimes i dun noe why i strive so hard at things in life and it just falls apart
i dun even understand why i still care bout him even though we have broken up
i think tons of you think that i am dumb
but this is just normal human reactions
i dun even noe why i should care
i just hope we still be together
life is getting boring

i realise i live to die
cause life ultimate outcome is to die
so i dun even noe why i bother to strive so hard
all i noe is that i am counting down to the days i left
i think i have at least 50 years more
i am just habouring more thoughts of death
i just can't stop think bout death
and life without him
i dun even noe why i bother to care so much
i feel like a pest to him at times la
i guess so

i hope a car would just bang me down
and run off leaving no trace of evidence and no signs of blood
only left with death and the fact that my love will still go on
i noe it sounds stupid
but these are the truth la

look into my eyes and you see death
i hate this life that i happening

gosh why can't i be like who i use to be
or why must i bother so much
i dun even noe the truth that lies behind the 2 of us

anyway i came outta my room just to blog bout my feeling
i feel better now i hope

i still tear everynight just to put myself to sleep
i still dream bout our memories
i still love the dreams that i have
i still hope to stay in our own la-la land
i still love you like i did last summer


toodles
Rachel

-------------

hi bloggie

guess wat
i went to school like this



haha look so ugly today
see ewww
gosh i think the last round i wore glasses to school
was last year haha
i just wore them cause my eyes where tired
got panda eye lor

anyway today school was long but little subjects haha
so it did not feel that long
haha man feel fat
not losing weight
exam coming
gotta study

toodles people
Rachel
-------------

hi bloggie




yesterday was dad and mum 16 anniversary
man that like 16 years together
waking up seeing the same person beside you
gosh that make me sound like a pervo
haha come to think of it, i have been waking up without anyone beside me for 15 years
ok anyway being 16 years together is tough la
come on i noe how is it to handle a relationship
it is not easy to stay together for 16 years leh
anyway may god bless the two of them always

anyway today had lunch at ding tai feng that xiao long bao resturant
gosh ate like quite lots of xiao long bao

-------------

hey bloggie

recently have been studying for exams
i got sick, had jaw immfalation
it is quite bad la

arrgggg exams are coming
and have not study finish yet wah
anyone wanna help me or study with me
stress stress

anyway i hope i will do well
well bout my emotional problem
i still can't really get over it
it is not easy la
i still miss him alot
sometimes i pray i dun have any feeling
so at least i will not feel hurt
well just live with it
promises must still be kept
i will abide to them

anyway after exams i am gonna exercise like crazy
haha wanna lose weight lor
i must lose weight
really must
haha

anyway jia you for exams everyone


i always have to put on a fake smile to let others not worry
but deep inside i am bleeding

love
Rachel

-------------

hi bloggie

i miss him i really do
well there is nothing much to hide anymore since
we have sperated liao
but still not gonna say who i have been with
anyway monday was the last day
i cried , he cried during the break up
our break up was not due to not liking each other anymore
but more of other things in life
still upset and will miss him forever
but life still goes on
i have exams in 3 weeks
i have to pick myself up by then
but then like wat they say
when you leave each other than you truly noe you love each other
hiax watever now
back to being a single soul,there are good and bad

anyway then tuesday when out with him
my final and last time that all i can do
did not cry but he did
i promiss him we will still be friends
just like how we are still and forever will be
but my love will never change
but loving him does not mean being with him
it means knowing that he will be happy
that all i ask
i nearly wanted to cry when i left
then daddy came to pick me up
i guess dad is afraid that i woud cry i guess i was afraid too

talking bout that
my whole family noe bout the realationship after coming home crying on monday
but mum does not noe who is that person but raina and dad noes
i noe they will not say so i trust them
dad gave me advice on how to handle this problems
while raina was there to comfort me whenever i miss him

after this i wanna thank my family, GOD, yickting and xinyi plus marcus for letting me noe that they will be there for me when i need them
and i wanna thank him for showing things i never knew in life and he said he will be there when i need him
i wanna thank people who have been praying for me and thank those that have been there for him too
and thank everyone else i forgot


my 不能说的密密 and prommises
will never change to you
will love you forever

toodles
Rachel
-------------

hey bloggie

as time pass i feel even more worst than i use to
i just feel that time really wait for no one
i dunnoe i think the pass few months that i have spent with someone was rather short
i mean i just feel that time flies so fast
i dun wanna be a burden to someone
and if i have to leave i will just leave cause
if i want someone to be happy i must not be a burden

i dunnoe i am glad my this "problem" is coming to a break
i hope if this starts again i will handle it better and with more concern cause this is no longer child-play
i will most probably live my life better from now on so as to not hurt myself so easily
but i will still wait no matter wat it takes

to that someone( you know yourself)
thanks for this time you gave me
although they were filled with happiness, sadness, angryness and many other feeling
i thank god that at least you have show me some things in life i have never seen
this time i had will never be erased from my memories
cause they were most probably the best times of my life
i thank god for you and pray you will be safe
you will always be in my prayers
thanks... i hope to see you when the time is right
i pray we will still be together again

anyway people this is my feeling pls dun comment on it or confront me about it
cause if i dun write this problem i will really burst one day
i thank everyone who has read it and not comment bout it neither have gossip bout it

thanks

i thank god that you have been there once
i will remember and love you forever
those are my promisses to you forever

toodles
Rachel
-------------

hi bloggie

anyway now is thursday morning
oh gosh the hols pass so fast
and i have not even started on my homework yet i guess i need to start mugging
anyway yesterday went out to do projecct
i found the project rather ok just that i have not finish the script

you noe recently i found out that i had many pimples
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
pimples are a girls nightmare
i hope they go away quick

anyway i am so afraid of coming home at night
cause everytime i come home my parents yell at me
i just dun wanna see them around at home
and make as little contact with them as possible

anyway i think this is a growing phrase
so i think i am gonna stop here
anyway will try to take some photos of the old folks home

Toodles
Rachel
-------------

hey bloggie



haha i shall start blogging bout my birthday that day
well i went to watch movie untill 4 plus
then stay up and talk
cause i was out with that person
really gonna miss the time spend i mean it ok
it was the happiest day of my life so far


haha
saturday was church anniversary

me and raina
me and marcus and raina
me and joshua haha got a new hair style
anyway shawn did it for him
then went for supper

me and jared
the waffle raina and jared had
the waffle i share with marcus
haha
jared is like the little bro i wanna have
gosh he is so cute la

haha

yes sunday
went to cyril church
haha i enjoy it there
thanks cyril i enjoy myself there
then later i went out with that person
haha enjoy myself lor

then
monday i went out and watch secret
secret is a good show for all pianist
anyway i decided that
my boyfriend must be a pianist
or at least noe how to play music
someone will ask me go marry mozart or bach rite haha
they are dead la
haha
love classical music
anyone wanna lend me their classical music
haha
but i still l0ve rock ok

today
went to the old folks home to check out that place
cause we are going to the performance this thurday
haha
gonna try to take photos yea
then went out with lionel to go buy the BBQ food
gonna have BBQ this friday
yay
i think they are gonna stay over
so those in my cell let me noe who staying over

so that all

Toodles
Rachel
-------------

Rachel
I am a little bit of everything, I am never in balance because I desire for the extreme choices all the time.I go along with my mood and do what I want to do. I cry when I am upset, scream when I am pissed, basically my emotions rule over my mood and my reactions, I maybe loud and crazy but I am not good with people and I sometimes hurt them. Even though I maybe blunt and crazy now. One thing is for sure, I am keep changing. -That's me

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